Reflections of 2015 and New Beginnings

My theme for 2015 was “Go Slow”.  I chose that theme because my life had become chaotic and rushed. I couldn’t remember what I did an hour ago much less yesterday. I was (and still very much am) squirrel prone. 

I work on self-improvement with a great group of women through a success club called, Aspire. In addition to my annual theme, I set two big goals; to successfully complete three college classes and to dedicate more time to piano. I tried to keep it simple.

The thing is, go slow didn’t really start to click until a couple of months ago.

Beginning in January, I started to make very small changes. I was bound and determined to ditch the type “A” personality for something a little less…frenzied. I made tiny changes such as, setting the alarm for 6:16am instead of 6:15am, leaving work in the middle of a task (gasp), scheduling extra time in between appointments and by saying no sometimes, even when I wanted to say yes.

Now, whenever I feel rushed, I take a deep breath and I say (out loud if possible), “I have time”. I create space with my words. Instead of I am tired, I am rushed, I am mad, I now say, I choose to be tired, I choose to be rushed, I choose to be mad. This immediately provides me the opportunity to create something different.

Within this new space, I was able to clearly see some relationship changes that needed to be made.  For example, giving my loved ones the greeting that I feel in my heart for them; not just a passive hello. Giving longer hugs, putting my phone down and paying attention; to name a few.

Inspired by a beautiful quote: Don’t ever stray away from yourself to get closer to someone else - (author unknown); I realized that I had changed for some friends and not for the better. I had done so by not saying the words that needed to be said, and by not drawing the appropriate boundaries (for some). I promised myself to be authentic.

In Aspire this year, we worked a lot on vulnerability and I came to realize that not everyone I meet should be privy to my deepest thoughts and dreams. Kindness is inclusive, but that means different things for different people. I want my closest friends to have depth, to be caring and to be able to talk about things, deeply.

I learned to ask, “What would love do here?” Sometimes love would divulge & share, sometimes love would give a hug, sometimes love would let go.

I had a friend whose God obviously thought I was going to hell and she was always praying for me (many times right to my face). Luckily, I had another friend that said, “That is not okay, and if her God thinks you are going to hell, you should say, buh-bye”. So I let go.

I stopped Facebooking and texting so much. I picked up the phone. I sent a card. I set up a date. I created more space for true friendship to grow and prosper.

I took a serious look at things I wanted to stop doing, continue doing and start doing.

Some things that made the stop doing list: selling 31 (still love the product), scheduling things so close together, watching television, putting time & effort into relationships that are one sided, looking at my phone when other people are around.

Some things that made the continue doing list: improving on the piano, my health initiatives (running, strength, yoga, eating the right things), massages, pedicures, chiro adjustments, Aspire, college classes, gratitude journal and self-improvement.

Some things that made the start doing list: always buying quality, reading more, being present, pausing to make space, asking more questions, being a better listener, letting go of things that don’t make me better and decluttering.

As things got rolling at the end of this year, I started to look forward to next year. I celebrated the winter solstice wholeheartedly as just the beginning of bringing back the light.

My annual theme in 2016 is Renewal. I have already started…

•   I got a tattoo; a spirit bear.
•   I had new pics taken for my social media & professional sites.
•   I strayed away from a Covey planner for the first time in over twenty years and went with The Happiness Planner instead.
•   I bought a new yoga mat.
•   I added another person to my care team (Dr. Mike)
•   I started my own, (unfinished – in progress) list of commandments(for lack of a better word):

·         I shall pay for quality

·         I shall convey proper heartfelt greetings

·         I shall practice presence especially with living beings

·         I shall practice, play and make progress on the piano

·         I shall make healthy decisions daily (food, exercise, rest, and rejuvenation)

·         I shall be a gentle & graceful human by listening and seeking to understand other humans

·         I shall speak my truth with strength and kindness but remain open to all viewpoints

·         I shall brand myself beautiful in every way (my clothes, my space, my words, my writing)

·         I shall infuse love and care into key relationships with my beloveds

A few more thoughts before I go, starting with a quote by Alan W. Watts:

“No one imagines that a symphony is supposed to improve as it goes along, or that the whole object of playing is to reach the finale. The point of music is discovered in every moment of playing and listening to it. It is the same, I feel, with the greater part of our lives, and if we are unduly absorbed in improving them we may forget altogether to live them.”

This quote speaks to my soul and reminds me to enjoy the journey. It reminds me to take time to rest and to just be.

I would like to wish everyone peace, love and light.

Love, Brenda

My TC 10 Mile Journey

I started running in April of 2011. My first official 5k was in August of the same year. I have never looked back. I have completed a handful of half marathons along with countless shorter races ranging in distance from 5k – 10 miles.

For the past few years, my family has participated in the Mankato River Ramble, a biking adventure.  I love this tradition - except for one thing; it has always fallen on the same weekend as the Medtronic Marathon and TC 10 Mile. This year, they fall a week apart. As soon as I became aware of that information, I started plotting to get a spot in the 10 mile.

 

A friend had asked if anyone was interested in entering the lottery as team. As soon as the lottery opened, I started bugging her…what is our team name? Is it set up? Is it ready now? How about now?  My friend is a saint (you should check her out - she owns Twin Cities Jogging Tours).

On July 8, I entered the lottery. On July 22, I received my congratulations letter.

On August 12, I officially hired a running coach. My coach is awesome (you should check her out here or have a listen). Sara has run the TC 10 mile seven times (including this year). I felt more than confident training under her mastery.

SHE MADE ME LOVE HILL REPEATS.  Wait, what? Oh, yes!

Initially, I corresponded with Sara over email and then we agreed to meet up in person to see if we were a good fit. We hit it off immediately (runners hug).  With a little insight into my personality, Sara put together a plan for me which we “shared” in google docs. This was great because I was able to make notes about my workout: how it went, my effort, when I did it, how it felt.  Sara would in turn comment back so I had instant feedback. In addition we had weekly check-ins (either by phone or in person).

Sara is so encouraging and even when she scolds, she is encouraging.  One week, I squeezed in two hard workouts in a row and she responded with, “NO! I mean, nice work! But don't do two hard days in a row! Rule #1. If you have to skip a week, you have to skip a week, and that's ok.” It is? Wow, how could you not love someone who treats you like that?

Sara taught me a lot of things including how to do hill repeats properly. What the length of the hill should be, the steepness, the time it should take to get to the top, proper form, etc. I started to look forward to my hill repeats every week. I even brought my friends, who started to love them too.

Sara knows about the hills on the TC 10 mile, she’s had a lot of experience with them and she wanted me to be ready. She let me know there would be “some hills” and that she wanted me to be prepared.

One day, I happened to catch the podcast and I heard her say that the race is pretty much all uphill - except for the last bit – which is a downhill finish.  By the time, I heard her say it; hills were just another thing to conquer one step at a time and I was not afraid.

Have Fun, Don’t Die

During my last shake out run, I intended to run five miles out my front door. It was the hottest part of the day and windy too, but I really wanted to get the run in. My son’s girlfriend was over for a visit. She also happens to run Cross Country. She asked me how far I was going and as I headed out the door, she said, “Have fun”. I half laughed and said (very unconvincingly), “Okay”.  To which she responded, “Well don’t die”. She went on to say that the girls on her team say that to each other and my new mantra became: Have fun, don’t die, because surely I could accomplish at least that.

As I ran that day, I paid particular attention to the world around me. I am a glass half full kind of girl in general and joyful by nature, but I really needed that reminder. I thought about how lucky I am to be able to run. I certainly don’t have to, I choose to.

I always run with only one earbud in because I like to hear the world around me and I like to listen to my breathing. That day, I enjoyed the music, the peace, my alone time. I appreciated the guy I could hear yelling from inside his house, “Go, go, go, yeaaahhh, touchdown!”  I enjoyed the flowers and the lady who stepped outside to smoke (yes, I use to do that – I know better now and so I run instead).

By mile four the heat started to get to me and instead of struggling, I chose to walk the last mile. However, when I hit the last hill, I ran all the way up for Sara.

The Day Before the Big Race

All was well up until the day before the race when I started to worry. I was afraid of being late. I even questioned my readiness. What should I wear? Should I take advantage of the bag drop? Where were we going to park? Should we take the light rail instead?  I was so nervous. I decide to get some support through my friends and so I posted my concerns to Facebook. While I was writing my post, I remembered my mantra and I shared it with others. That in itself helped, but in addition to that, my friends (runners or not) offered nothing but words of encouragement.  

I set my alarm and went to bed.  The next morning, I sprung out of bed. I had set everything I needed out so that I wouldn’t have to think much or wake up my hubby. I made a cup of coffee. I cannot eat before a race, it does not matter the distance. I always have one cup of coffee plain and I sip water on the way. I am sure to hydrate the day/night prior. I was ready to leave in no time flat. Then, I had to wait for my ride. I am not at all good at waiting. I even started to pace. My friend was on time, maybe even a bit early (to be clear - it wasn’t her, it was me).

 As soon as I got in her SUV, I blurted out, “I am so nervous!” She asked why and I pouted, “I don’t know!” She is wonderful, her name is Adrienne. She said there was nothing to worry about and she was right. As soon as she said it, I decided to surrender to what was happening just at this very moment.

She parked us ONE block from the starting line in a parking ramp that has a HEATED lobby and an INDOOR - CLEAN bathroom and it only cost FOUR dollars.  Isn’t she terrific?

Driving Miss Basket Case

We took advantage of both the heated lobby and the glorious bathroom. I had heard someone say that the elites would be taking off at 7am, which would put corral 1’s departure at around 7:08 or so and since I was in corral 4 and also not in a crazy hurry to stand out in the cold, we waited until shortly after 7am to head out. 

At that time, we were on a mission to find another friend named Becca. This was specifically important because this was Becca’s longest distance race to date. Becca and I did a lot of our training together (even the hills). I wanted to start the race with her. Believe it or not, with a little luck (and a cell phone), we located her among the sea of runners with plenty of time to spare.

Becca's Longest Distance

Finally, it was time for our corral to take the starting line. My coach warned me not to start out too fast. The crowd made that objective easy as I think we travelled in a tight grouping for about the first two miles (though I lost my friends right away). I was surprised by how long it took the runners to spread out. It wasn’t because there were a lot of walkers, but simply because there were so many people. The pace was decent though so I didn’t stress out. 

I tend to run a 6 min/walk 30 sec interval but I skipped a couple walks completely and shortened all of the others. I recognize the first monster hill as one that I had run on the Moustache Run. I recognized the second monster hill as one that I had struggled with during the MDRA Mother’s Day 5k. Not this day; I took those hills by storm. There were a few more ups and downs but it seemed to eventually settle into just a mild (never-ending) incline.

I am not one for cheering crowds. I did not take water or electrolytes at any of the water stops. I kept my head up despite the crowd and I ran down the middle of the road (sorry no high fives today).  At mile five a volunteer yelled out, “You are half way there!” I found myself saying, “Shut the hell up”, but only loud enough for me to hear (I know he meant well, but come on). I ran strong and I wondered at what point would I lose my steam?

I enjoyed the signs, my music, and my peace. I appreciated the volunteers. My favorite sign was one that said, “No Walken Here” and had a big Christopher Walken head glued to it. That may have been the first time in a long time that a cowbell did not come up with regard to Christopher Walken.

I saw a couple of people that I know cheering. I saw two, “Black Lives Matter” shirts. One was on a lady running and one was on a guy walking down the sidewalk. I heard there was a peaceful protest off the main route but I never saw it.

Before I knew it, I was running passed the James J. Hill house and I knew the descent to the finish was all that remained.  With joy, I ran down the hill and continued to run strong through the finish.  This was the first long race where I felt strong from start to finish. 

I received my medal from a little boy and headed for the water. I was given a thermal blanket and quite quickly, I had more snacks than I could carry.

I stopped for a finisher’s photo, all salty and flushed face. I laughed as the photographer asked the lady in front of me if she wanted to get in with the guy who was waiting for his photo to be taken. She replied “No, I don’t know him.” I think she should have gotten in the photo anyway.

The race was well organized in every way except for the finisher shirt retrieval, which seemed like a free for all.  Also, once I had my shirt, I must have dropped it ten times. Who wants to carry a shirt around when you already have a fistful of snacks?  I passed on the free beer and opted for the Caribou instead, the designated spot to meet up with my friends.

We drank coffee, took some photos, soaked it all in.  We had fun, and we didn’t die.

Me, Becca, Adrienne & Liz

As I boarded the bus, I was already dreaming about next year. As always, #IRun4Dylan

Me & My Beloved Dylan